We’re often asked how to deal with a loved one who refuses to eat. This is a complex and emotional issue, as you may feel like you are not doing enough or somehow failing them. The first thing to understand is that refusing to eat is a common symptom of dementia, and there may be several underlying reasons for this. For example, the person may be experiencing changes in taste or smell, having difficulty swallowing, or simply not hungry. There are also many non-physical reasons people with dementia might not want to eat, such as depression, forgetting, or feeling overwhelmed by food options.
Here are six tips to help make mealtime feel less like a chore.
Prepare What They Like
Dementia Specialist Tonya Jordan recommends starting with a food they like and progressing from there. This option may have nostalgic value, such as a recipe they or their parents used to make. Try a conversation like this:
“This is your recipe you told me about, just like your mother fixed.”
However, be prepared for possible rejection, as they may disagree that the meal is what mom cooked, even if it’s exact. With dementia, their sense of taste diminishes, so they may now not recognize what they once loved.
Adjust to Changes in Taste
Those with dementia often lean toward very sweet or salty foods since those are the tastes they can most detect. If a person with dementia is refusing meals, you may want to try adding more flavor to their food. This can be accomplished by using herbs, spices, sauces, or marinades. You could also try naturally more flavorful foods.
Even if your loved one didn’t have a sweet tooth before, a little added sweetness could make the meal more palatable. For example, if vegetables aren’t welcomed, try adding a little maple syrup. Although you don’t want to add sugar to everything, to quote Mary Poppins, “A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.”
Give Options, But Not Too Many
As meal time approaches, start with a conversation instead of asking if they’re hungry. For example:
“You know, I’m getting hungry. I bet you are too. I was thinking of either having a sandwich or a bowl of soup. What sounds good to you?”
Tonya says if you give them more than two options, they may not remember what was said. So instead, they may choose what was stated last, even if it’s not something they want.
Keep your choices simple as well. Soup doesn’t need to be qualified as “do you want chicken noodle, tomato, or clam chowder.” Note – If you’re a paid professional for a client, you can be reasonably confident that what they have in their home is the food they like. Don’t overcomplicate food choices – it’ll cause anxiety to both you and your loved one with dementia.
Eat With Them
You may be the only person in an elderly person’s life that’s around to enjoy a meal. Spend this time together. It doesn’t matter if you’re eating the same thing or not. Just sit and enjoy each other’s company while you eat. Even if their memory is failing, loneliness is still a real issue for those with dementia and one of the most significant complaints of elderly individuals. However, even if your loved one isn’t fully aware that you are supporting them by sharing a meal, do it for yourself. “All I can say is, you know when that person’s gone, you’ll remember these little talks that you had, you’ll get more and more talks the more time you spend,” says Tonya. “You’re missing stories, stories that you don’t know if you’ll get a chance to get back again.”
Create a Routine
Using anchor points throughout the day may assist with eating habits. For example, after a morning walk, breakfast is eaten, lunch is associated with their favorite TV show, or a snack before their bedtime routine. They may not remember the details, but the pattern will become familiar.
But be prepared to change “what works.” For example, their favorite food may no longer be something they want. “There’s nothing you can do or change except how you perceive things. You cannot get upset; you can not get frustrated and let them see that”, Tonya says. “You have to stay calm in front of them and just keep trying different things.”
Help Them Hydrate
Tonya recommends providing a friendly reminder for those who have difficulty enticing their aging loved ones to drink water, such as “Did you drink your water? Try taking a drink real quick”. If they are engaged in an activity such as watching TV, offer water during the commercial breaks. Tonya also mentions if you’re trying to encourage drinking more water, set the example. You can’t expect them to want to hydrate while you’re sipping on a soda. Setting a goal may also be helpful. For instance, you could offer a bottle of water in the morning and work with them to finish by the day’s end. However, sometimes a large bottle can look intimidating, so test out using smaller cups throughout the day. Lastly, you may be able to convey what their physician says as motivation. An authority figure that they trust can hold more weight than your word.
At the end of the day, there’s no perfect solution, and no person is exactly the same. Tonya says, “The best thing to do is relinquish that you are not in control. It can be as easy as you want it to be, and it could be as hard as you want it to be; how you handle that will determine your day”.
If you need assistance caring for your loved ones with dementia, call us at 802.496.2600 or email info@HandsAtHomeCS.com.
